


To Smuggle a Cat

by Megana_Fish



Category: Satan and Me (Webcomic)
Genre: Accidental Groping, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Gen, Multi, UA - universe alteration, ganthea, it's t for language, nat didn't accidentally summon satan, nat has a cat, nat is in college, natan, satan has a potty mouth, sheipos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3219782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megana_Fish/pseuds/Megana_Fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nat McAllister doesn't take no for an answer. So when the campus administration says she can't have her cat on campus, she enlists the help of an unwitting drug-dealer/greaser type to help her smuggle it in. Unbeknownst to her, this drug-dealer/greaser is Satan himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Smuggle a Cat

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Secret Santa gift for chessapeake-cannibals.tumblr.com. I have their permission to post it here.

Sparta wriggled within the confines of Nat's arms, desperate to escape her tight clutch and chase the mouse he had seen scampering into a corner. Nat tightened her grip on the strawberry cat and gazed hopefully at the woman behind the reception desk.

"I'm truly sorry," she said in a voice that wasn't sorry at all. "But we have a strict 'No-Pets Policy.' If I let you have your cat, what's to stop others from coming in with requests to bring their pets?"

Nat's face fell a little and Sparta stopped struggling for a moment, sensing something was wrong.

“Ma’am, please -” she started hopefully.

“No exceptions. Now if you would please remove the cat from the premises.”

“Of - of course. Thank you for your time.”

Nat gave her a bright smile and turned, taking a deep breath. She took another deep breath. Then another. Once she was fairly certain she wasn't going to cry, she stepped towards the door and began wondering what she was going to do. Her dad wasn't capable of taking care of her cat, and having Sparta stay with a friend was out of the question. So was putting him in a shelter.

As she opened the door, she saw a guy in a ragged sweater, loitering. She thought nothing of it but then she had an idea. He was wearing a sweater with a rather large kangaroo pocket, a pocket that was definitely large enough to hold Sparta…

Nat glanced around to make sure no one was watching and seeing no one, dashed to the drug-dealer/greaser looking dude. He looked at her, unimpressed, when she screeched to a halt in front of him. She gave him her best and brightest smile.

“Here, take this and come with me,” Nat whispered, shoving Sparta haphazardly into his pocket. Sparta hissed angrily.

“What the fuck are you doing, girl?!” the guy exclaimed.

“Watch your language, dude. You’re helping me smuggle my cat into my dorm.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. C’mon, please?”

“Why the hell would I help smuggle a fluffy nightmare into the dorm of some random teenaged girl?”

“My name is Nat. C’mon. You know you want to help…” Nat peered at him with big, puppy-dog eyes.

“No, actually, I don’t. Now get this damned furball out of my pocket.”

At that moment, Sparta peeked out of the guy’s pocket and stared up at him with big, blue eyes. He meowed innocently and began to purr. The guy looked from Sparta’s big eyes to Nat’s pleading face, his own looking increasingly constipated. He eventually let out a loud huff of breath.

“Fine,” he gritted out.

Nat beamed. “You’re the best! What’s your name?”

He side-eyed her and said, “My name is Satan.”

“Stan!” Nat exclaimed, believing she had misheard. “That’s a neat name. So uh, how are we going to do this?”

Stan’s expression darkened. “You mean you don’t have a fucking plan?”

“Sh! It was a, uh, fast decision to smuggle him in. I didn’t have time to think of anything while I was convincing you to help.” She shrugged her shoulders in a ‘what can you do’ kind of way.

Stan groaned and face-palmed. Nat elbowed him with a grin. “Thanks for helping!”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just think of a stupid plan.” Nat thought she heard him mumble something along the lines of “rather be dealing with Michael” but she couldn't be certain.

Without warning, Stan snaked an arm around Nat’s waist and pulled her closer, leaning his head down to her ear.

“Play along,” he hissed. “We’re a happy couple, disgustingly mushy. People get uncomfortable with that shit, they’ll look away and not notice the odd, drug shaped lump in my sweater.”

He pulled away with a soft smile and smooched Nat’s cheek. Nat refrained from flinching away, telling herself it was for Sparta. She smiled back goofily and kissed him on the nose with a giggle.

“Alright. But I control the level of physical affection.”

“Fair enough,” Stan said with a grin that sent shivers down Nat’s spine.

Nat tucked herself further into Stan and they proceeded to the dorms. Stan occasionally tickled her side, causing Nat to giggle obnoxiously and push at Stan halfheartedly. They got more embarrassed and disgusted looks from passers-by than she could count or recall.

When they reached a spot between two pillars, Nat swiveled Stan against the wall and leaned up to kiss his neck. She slipped her hands into his pocket to see how Sparta was doing. Nat felt nothing and frowned, pushing deeper into the pocket. Her hands checked every inch of the pocket, feeling up and down the smooth planes of Stan’s abdomen. She wasn't paying any attention to where her hands were going, focused entirely on finding Sparta.

Her hands brushed something that hardened and she was confused until she realized what she was doing and what she must’ve touched. She drew back immediately, her face a tomato red.

“Was that -”

“Yes,” Stan hissed.

“Oh my gosh!” Nat buried her flaming face in the crevice between Stan’s arm and his torso. Her hands gripped the front of his sweater. “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.”

“Calm down, you’d be surprised how often that happens. I mean, it’s usually not an accident, but you don’t need to freak out.” He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. “You have to stop. People are starting to look. They’re wondering what’s wrong.”

“Sparta is gone,” Nat hissed. Stan jerked. He gripped her arms and held her away from him, searching her eyes for any hint of jest. He found none.

“He can’t be,” he finally said.

“He is,” Nat replied softly.

Stan removed his hands from Nat and stuck them in his pocket, searching. They reappeared empty. The area they occupied seemed to grow warmer and Stan seemed to grow in stature. Nat shrank back, afraid.

“I didn’t sign up for that. I’m outta here.”

“No, please don’t go!” Nat implored. Her eyes grew hot. “Please help me find him. Sparta - my mother gave him to to, right before her accident, I can’t - I can’t lose him!”

Stan looked back unflinchingly. 

A tear slipped down Nat’s cheek, past her quivering lips, and fell to the ground.

With a loud exhale, he seemed to shrink and the air grew notably cooler. Nat shivered. Stan noticed and, keeping up with pretense, wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close and quietly wiping away a stray tear.

“I’ll help.”

Nat beamed and squeezed him in the tightest bear hug she could muster. “Thank you!”

Stan sighed again. “We should start looking,” he suggested.

“Right.” Nat pulled back slightly and slipped an arm around Stan’s waist, tucking herself in. She pretended to force herself to smile happily.

“Where do you think he’d be?” Stan whispered into her hair as they resumed walking, retracing their steps.

“I don’t know. This is my first time really being near the dorms.”

“Of course it is,” he grumbled, his grip on her waist tightening painfully. “I’m going to call a friend of mine, see if he can come and help. Hold on.”

Stan detached with a kiss to the crown of Nat’s head and walked away, pulling out a phone.

“Sorry to bother you,” began a rich, Middle-Eastern voice, “but why are you hanging out around him?”

Nat whirled to see a dark-skinned guy with red-brown hair and very green eyes. He was looking at her curiously, and he seemed to be more than a little concerned.

“I’m sorry, who…?”

“Oh! Pardon me. My name is Gabriel.”

“Nice to meet you, Gabriel. I’m Natalie,” Nat replied with a smile. “And uh, it’s kinda secret and I’d rather not get in trouble.”

“I understand. Well -” Gabriel stopped and a blush rose to his cheeks as he spotted something behind Nat. She turned to see a curvy, red-haired woman exiting the building Stan and Nat had just been pressed against.

“Who’s she?” Nat asked teasingly.

“Er - well - uh -”

Nat laughed. “You should ask her out.”

“What?” Gabriel looked very flustered.

“You obviously like her. You should ask her out.”

“Miss Natalie, I don’t think - you don’t understand - it’s too complicated.” Gabriel looked very sad and Nat decided she had to do something.

She glanced over at Stan to make sure he was still busy on the phone and seeing that he was, grabbed Gabriel’s arm. “C’mon!”

She sprinted towards the girl with Gabriel in tow. Gabriel followed because there was nothing else he could do. They reached the girl as she was about to enter another building.

“Hey, wait up!” Nat called out. The girl stopped and turned, looking at Nat curiously with fuchsia eyes.

“Whoa, cool contacts,” Nat let out in surprise.

“I’m sorry, who are -” She caught sight of Gabriel behind her and colored. “Hello, Gabriel. I’m sorry, but I must go.”

“Wait!” Nat swiveled to Gabriel. “You didn’t tell me you knew her! How come you haven’t asked her out yet!

Gabriel looked mortified and Nat heard a choking sound from the girl. Nat slapped a hand over her mouth. 

“Oops…” she mumbled. She gave Gabriel a tentative smile and saw Stan pulling the phone from his face. “Well, I’ll leave the actual ‘asking out’ business to you, heh. Gotta run!”

Nat raced away and arrived back at Stan right as he slipped the phone back into his pants pocket. He frowned when he saw Nat.

“Why are you panting, girl?”

“No reason,” Nat grinned. Stan huffed. He looked around, from where Nat had run from, and his expression darkened. Nat turned to see the girl twirling her hair and smiling. Gabriel was staring at his feet but he seemed to be happy. Nat wondered why Stan would be so annoyed at them.

“What’re you two staring at?” someone from behind asked. Stan turned to face the newcomer.

“Ipos - and Sheila. I’m not sure how much help you can be,” Stan said. Nat turned and noticed the girl was blind.

“Stan, that was rude. Apologize to her,” Nat ordered. Ipos raised an eyebrow and Stan huffed.

“Why should I?”

“Apologize.” Nat’s face was set in stone. Stan took one look at it and sighed heavily.

“Fine. Sheila, I am sorry I was so callous. But you can’t really be of any help.”

“Stan!”

“What?” he asked innocently.

Nat glared at him. “Whatever.”

“Um, Stan, would you mind introducing us?” the guy asked.

“Girl, this is Ipos and Sheila. They’re going to help you find your furball.”

“Hi! I’m Nat,” Nat beamed. She stuck out a hand which they shook awkwardly. She turned to Stan with a frown. “Aren't you going to help, too? Sparta really took a liking to you.”

Stan glared at her but finally spat out, “Fine. I’ll help you find it and even get it to your dorm. After that, I’m finished.”

“Ok. Now c’mon, Sparta likes small spaces. Let’s retrace our steps.”

Stan nodded tightly and to Nat’s surprise, snaked an arm around her waist. “We’re still a gushy couple,” he reminded her unhappily, glaring at Ipos, who was stifling a laugh at the sight.

“Let’s go,” he said grumpily. 

The two couples started walking back to where Nat had found Stan. They checked in bushes and trees but there was no sign of Sparta. Nat was about to lose all hope when they were suddenly accosted by a small dark kid.

“Ipos, Sheila!” He seemed to notice Stan. “Oh, and M-”

“What do you need, Pax?” Ipos interrupted irritably.

Pax turned his attention back to Ipos.

“Well, you see, I was wondering if you’d take in this cat? See, my apartment doesn't allow animals. It would only be until I found one that did.” The boy, Pax, pulled Sparta out from his pocket. He looked very grumpy.

“Sp-” Nat started.

“Of course, Pax. What will you pay us?” Ipos cut in smoothly.

“Pay you? Well, uh - hm - how about this?” Pax held up a gift card to Starbucks with a grin. Ipos’ face grew thunderous and Pax quickly backtracked, shoving the card back into his wallet. “Ok, ok, I don’t really have any money right now. I can’t pay you. But please -”

“I’m sorry, Pax,” Ipos said in a voice that was devoid of sympathy, “I’m afraid -”

“I’ll take him,” Nat cut in. 

Pax turned to her, his luminous blue eyes unnerving her. They trailed up and down her body appreciatively and all Nat wanted to do was to disappear into Stan. 

“And who,” Pax said, licking his lips, “are you, strawberry?”

Sparta decided at that moment to leap out of Pax’s arms and onto Nat, meowing loudly.

“I’m the owner of this cat.”

Stan groaned inaudibly; Nat felt him rumble. The predatory grin dropped from Pax’s face.

“What?”

“This is my cat.”

“Is it now?”

Pax made an imperceptible move towards Nat but before the hit could land, Stan had pushed her out of the way and onto the ground. Stan stood in front of her and blocked Pax as he tried to get around.

“Let me at her!” Pax whined.

“Don’t,” Stan growled. The air was hot again and it could’ve been perspective but Nat swore he grew larger, as well.

Pax backed away, hands up. “All right, all right. No harm no foul. It’s her cat.” He gave Stan an odd look. “I’ll leave you and your girl be.”

With that, he winked at Nat before turning and walking away. It was quiet for a moment and Nat pushed herself off the ground.

“I apologize -” Ipos started, but Nat interrupted.

“What’d you do that for?” she asked Stan angrily. Stan sputtered and Sheila let out a snort.

“I protected you!”

“I didn’t need your help, I could’ve taken him on my own.”

“Ha! He would’ve torn you apart.”

“No -”

“Actually, he would have,” Ipos cut in. “As I was trying to say, I apologize for Pax’s behavior. He will, at the very least, get a stern talking to.”

Nat turned to face Ipos, who was looking serious, and Sheila, who looked highly amused. “Thank you both for helping today,” Nat said. “Stan and I have it from here.”

“No way. I’m done,” Stan announced. Nat whirled back to face him.

“You can’t! You said you would help me smuggle Sparta in -”

“You coerced me. And I’ve gone above and beyond the so-called call of duty.”

“You haven’t even met the call of duty! The call of duty was getting my cat to the dorms safely.”

“We’ll be leaving now,” Ipos interrupted. “See ya later.” 

With that, Ipos and Sheila walked away, towards the parking lot. Sheila stumbled as Nat faced Stan. Ipos did nothing but pause and wait for her to catch up.

Stan’s face looked constipated again. He breathed heavily and the fire in his eyes died. “Fine.”

He roughly grabbed Nat, pulling her in close. Nat slipped Sparta back into his pocket and stretched her arm around Stan, reaching into the other side to have a constant feel on Sparta. Stan was still gripping her painfully tight and Nat squirmed.

“Um, Stan…”

“What?” he snapped. Nat could’ve sworn there was fire.

“Um, could you loosen your grip, please?”

“Fine.” 

He softened his hold and Nat breathed in deeply, forcing a smile. 

“Ok, let’s get this over with!” she announced.

They restarted their way towards the dorms and reached the doorway of Nat’s hall without trouble. Nat could tell Sparta had fallen asleep as they walked through the doors and past students busily shooing their parents away. 

The closer they got to her dorm, the more nervous Nat got. She liked Stan’s company. He was refreshing to be around and she knew, by the gentle way he walked with Sparta in his pocket and his willingness to help her, that he was a good guy who only pretended to be a hard-butt. She wished they could hang out in a more mutually-agreed upon way but she knew Stan would never agree.

Stan forced her to stop and Nat saw they had arrived at her dorm room. She gave a heavy sigh and turned to Stan.

“Thank you for your help, Stan. I probably couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, smiling softly. 

Stan grunted and Nat unlocked the door, pulling Sparta out of Stan’s pocket. She placed him on the floor and blocked the doorway, looking up to Stan. He was looking off in the distance distractedly. She hesitated before she leaned up and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Stan jerked back in surprise.

“As I was saying. Thanks,” Nat said with a small laugh.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously.”

“Awe, but I have to tell my friends and my dad how kind you were!”

“Don’t.” He looked serious.

“Okay, fine. I won’t.”

“Good.” He hesitated before leaning down and placing a kiss on her nose. He pulled back quickly, patted her on the head, and walked away and out of the hall.

Nat smiled. Maybe all hope wasn’t lost.


End file.
